With my boyfriend that’s known me for 12+ years, been together for 5 months (this is a happy rambly post!)
He thought I was asexual and still pursued me, he thought he would never even experience a sexual act with me, but he still crushed on me. He never looked at me sexually before I showed him that I am in fact not asexual.
This guy’s perspective on me has healed me so much honestly, like. Just knowing he pursued me with nothing sexual in mind makes me feel so free in our relationship. I was raped very early in my teen years and he found out about a month before we started dating, I have a lot of sexual trauma and he has not pressured me into anything!!!
It feels so freeing??!?! This is embarrassing to admit but I just have no one else to tell, this is a huge step for me in life: I asked if I could touch his penis with nothing sexual in mind, just exposure therapy. he was very open with me and let me try, First time I tried I couldn’t touch him and I cried, but he had 0 expectation!!! He genuinely JUST thought I wanted to try to touch him for my own sake, boundary testing my trauma!!!!! (That feels crazy because every guy I’ve been with has expected EVERYTHING all the time, and I have to weasel my way / cry my way out of not giving them something I don’t want to give them)
We did this boundary testing thing 3 times until I jerked him off for the first time and I feel so much better trauma wise, my body still tenses up a lot when it gets more focused on me, but now I can touch him like a normal person?!?! AHHH! That feels so awesome to say?! I never thought I’d be ever able to look at a penis again!!, sorry, I have no one to talk to this about I just needed to get it out haha
Part of me feels bad that I cannot participate in actual sex yet because it’s far too scary but I am so happy with how far I’ve gotten and how nice this guy is…..
